Tuesday, December 4, 2012

HABEMUS...SOMETHING OR OTHER


All you really need to know about this is that there is not a single Roman Catholic anywhere in it.

Sunday, November 11, 2012

OFF-TOPIC

This has nothing to do with vestments or Christian worship.  It is, however, a cautionary tale about what can happen when one loses all sense of aesthetic restraint.

Can any of you identify this picture?  Is it the official T-shirt of some jazz festival?  Is it something someone purchased at a particularly tacky New Orleans souvenir shop?  Is it the sort of prize you won at some school music competition, took home and which never saw the light of day again until your mom threw it out?

No.  Believe it or not, that was going to be a uniform worn by a major-league sports team

The occasion for this escapes me but in 1996, several National Hockey League teams were going to wear alternate jerseys for one or a few games.  Five of them did; one did not.

For reasons known only to the God who created heaven and Earth and who rules us all, somebody actually thought that my team, the St. Louis Blues, should have taken the ice in those things.  And they would have too, except for the fact that Mike Keenan, the coach at the time, refused to allow his players to compete wearing anything so idiotic.

Let all those who design liturgical vestments and all other forms of church decoration profit by this example.

Of course, what's really sad is that if the Blues ever did wear those things in a couple of games and then decided to sell them, they would be gone inside of a week.

Thursday, November 8, 2012

I'M BACK

I'll spare you the details but it's been an AWFULLY stressful few months around the Bad Vestments Building here in Webster Groves, the Paris of St. Louis County, Missouri.  I don't know how often I'm going to post for while but I had to share this.  Ladies and gentlemen, put your hands together for Justin Welby, the next Archbishop of Canterbury.

Sunday, August 19, 2012

PROGRESS REPORT

I FINALLY found a place to move to.  I just got the keys to it last week which means that I basically have less than a week to throw stuff out and move whatever I'm keeping to the new joint.  I'm doing it entirely on my own so for the next couple of weeks or so, my job is going to be pretty much the only time I get to relax. 

In the meantime, here's a United Methodist Reporter interview with some wiseass blogger.

Thursday, June 21, 2012

ON A PERSONAL NOTE

For three reasons, things may be VERY slow around here for a month and a half or so.  The most important one is that I'm going to be moving so most of my energies will obviously be directed toward getting that done.  That's not to say that I won't post anything here, it's just that it will be probably be rather rare if I do. 

The second is that I'm also going to have to buy some new wheels.  I've got a 2001 Ford Ranger that's pretty much reached the end of the road.  In any event, I don't feel like pouring hundreds of dollars into it any more.  So there's also that.

The third reason is that I'm once again rethinking the whole raison d'etre of this site. I'm not thinking of closing it down, just greatly expanding its coverage.

Just so you know.

Wednesday, May 30, 2012

THE SINS OF MODERNIST CHURCH ARCHITECTS...

...shall be visited upon the children.

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

QUICK NOTE

After extensive consultations with BV Corporate, the shadowy, international conglomerate that runs this site, I've decided to expand the reach of Bad Vestments a little bit.  Since the focus here is Christian aesthetics, we're now going to include unacceptable church buildings along with vestments and interior decorations.

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

JOHNSON CHURCH DESIGN TIPS

The inspiration for your new cathedral should never be a 1960's community college.

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

JUST SAYIN'

This had better be some secularist's idea of a stupid joke.  Or I'm going to have to shut this site down before I hurt somebody.

Thursday, April 12, 2012

A MODEST PROPOSAL

My former parish used to have a retreat on the weekend after Easter where people went to relax but left their Sunday go-to-meetin' clothes at home.  On Sunday, we'd worship in this lovely little chapel in the middle of the woods.  If you're a member of the clergy and your church does something like that, here's a suggestion: play it safe and worship without any vestments at all.  Otherwise, you run the risk of looking like this guy.

Thursday, March 8, 2012

RAISON D'ETRE

One of these people is from South Sudan.  The other one isn't.  See if you can guess which of the two is which.

If it were legally possible, I would turn this picture into this site's logo because nothing better demonstrates why Bad Vestments exists.  And here's a contest for you.  The first person who can tell me exactly why I consider this picture to be one of the funniest things I have ever seen wins the official Bad Vestments teddy bear (the rest of you, of course, can buy one for a limited time only.  I'm not making a profit on those things so go ahead and order six or seven).

Wednesday, February 29, 2012

CONFUSED

Stole?  Or cross-dressing python?

Thursday, February 2, 2012

FULLY INVOLVED

Pop quiz.  What is the Bad Vestments rule about flames and directionality?

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

GIANT DEAD SPIDER

I guess you could call this the ultimate bad vestment.  But it seems that the former cathedral of the Episcopal Diocese of Western Michigan(AKA Far And Away The Ugliest Church Building In The Entire History Of Christianity From The Ascension Of Christ Into Heaven Until The Present Day) has been memorialized in a book.

Friday, January 13, 2012

NOSTALGIA

Gas being as expensive as it is and my truck being on its last legs, I haven't been able to take one of these in a very long time.  But my all-time favorite vacation used to be a drive through the American Southwest.

I always drove, I never flew.  I am by birth and temperament a Westerner so I had to see the land, not fly over it in a hurry to get someplace else.  And I had to see all of the land and I had to take as much time as I possibly could doing it.

I needed Kansas and eastern Colorado to appreciate the Rockies and the Rockies to appreciate Kansas and eastern Colorado.  I needed southern Utah to appreciate northern Arizona and northern New Mexico and I needed all of them to appreciate north Texas.

I took one of these trips with my dad once(really not a smart move as Pop was never the easiest guy in the world to travel with) but I drove the rest of them alone.  And that was another thing I loved about those roadies.

You can think uninterrupted out there all by yourself.  You can pray or just be still and know that He is God.  When you're not doing that, you can listen to KTNN, 660 AM on your radio dial, the Voice of the Navajo Nation. 

KTNN's music is country and most of the talking's actually in Navajo.  And believe me, there is nothing better in the world to listen to when you're driving through the desert.

The souvenir places are all pretty much the same, as Southwest as all get out, but I love them anyway.  Indian jewelry.  "Indian" or "Mexican" blankets that were probably made in China.

On one trip, I actually bought one of those blankets.  I don't remember what I paid for it but it wasn't much.  And it's currently decorating a chair here in the Bad Vestments office as I write this.

I have absolutely no idea why I thought of all that just now.

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

JOHNSON GIFT ADVICE

I'm not Catholic and I don't mean to go all sectarian or anything but if I wanted to give a favorite priest a gift to celebrate St. Patrick's Day, a bottle of really good Bushmill's, the kind you nurse for six months, would probably be my first choice.  But that's just me.

Saturday, January 7, 2012

BISHOPS FROM THE PLANET XARCHON

Take your pick.

(1) They gave him this miter because his theology's, like, out there, man.

(2) Ladies and gentlemen, introducing the Anglican Primate of Mars.

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

THE GRIM BISHOP

Bishop Lawrence?  I don't know, maybe I'm being overly sensitive or something, but you MIGHT want to seriously rethink that crozier.  It has certain...associations.  And as my beloved mother used to regularly tell me, you could put somebody's eye out with that thing.