Thursday, April 29, 2010

ALL SORTS AND CONDITIONS OF MEN

You can meet just about anyone in an Episcopal church.  Men, women, blacks, whites, Anglos, Hispanics, heterosexuals, homosexuals, the colorblind...

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

WE BRING GOOD THINGS TO CHURCH

It's a good idea to be careful in one's vestment selection.  Do you know the first thing I thought when I saw this?  Why does Archbishop Duncan have the GE logo on his miter?

Saturday, April 24, 2010

YES AND NO

The gentleman pictured here is the Rt. Rev. Se├ín Manchester, Bishop of Glastonbury and Presiding Bishop of the British Old Catholic Church.  If you'd like to learn more about all that, click here but be warned that the site plays music whether you want it to or not(note to Web designers: if you're still doing that, stop it because it's really annoying).

I posted this vestment because I'm genuinely conflicted about it.  On the one hand, it is everything I like in a work of visual art.  Simple, direct, to the point.  What better idea for a Christian to focus on than the Cross and only the Cross?  And the fact that you enter into spiritual combat looking like a Knight Templar certainly doesn't hurt.

But on balance, I'm going to have to turn this one down.  Because when I saw this picture, the first thing that popped into my head was a chess piece.  The second was Alice in Wonderland.  So while I can't really declare this a bad vestment, I honestly can't declare it a good one.

Thursday, April 22, 2010

A MODEST PROPOSAL

If you're going to worship God in vestments this ridiculously embarrassing, why not go all the way and sell ad space on your copes and chasubles?  NASCAR drivers not only look better than you do but make money doing it.  And everybody knows that Episcopalians can really use the jack right about now.

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

404 ERROR

ANNNNND we're off:

(1) Ladies and gentlemen, give it up for the only chasuble with its own IP address.
(2) You don't put this on this garment, you hack into it.
(3) Most vestments get cleaned.  This one gets a new hard drive.
(4) Old concept: liturgical colors.  New concept: PC versus Mac.
(5) For the time being, don't run Windows 7 while wearing this or the liturgy will constantly freeze up and you'll have to reboot and start over from the beginning.  Microsoft's working on the patch.
(6) This chasuble also serves as a wi/fi hotspot.
(7) If you want to order one, the name of this product is iGarbage.

You get the idea.

MAGIC EYE

I haven't tried this yet but rumor has it that if you stare at this for thirty seconds and then immediately look at a white space, you'll see a good vestment.

Monday, April 19, 2010

AS A MATTER OF FACT, HE IS ANGLICAN

What gave it away?

NEWS FROM THE ART WORLD

For some reason, MOMA appears to have hired a chaplain.

Saturday, April 17, 2010

BAD VESTMENTS 101

People often ask me, "Conrad?  What's the easiest way to tell when a liturgical vestment is really bad?"  Well, take this picture of New York Suffragan Bishop Catherine Roskam.  That's her on the right.

If you think that this picture desperately needs a guy in a top hat and a red coat somewhere nearby and if that circus song started running through your head(you know, the one that goes DOOT DOOT DOODLE-OODLE OOT-DOOT DO DO, DOOT DOOT DOODLE-OODLE OOT-DOOT DO DO), then you're looking at a genuinely awful liturgical garment.

Believe it or not, the above is actually not Catherine Roskam's most unintentionally embarrassing moment.  This is:

"My sistas and brothas, all my homies and peeps, stay up -- keep your head up, holla back, and go forth and tell like it is." With this proclamation, Bishop Suffragan Cathy Roskam of New York sent people on their way at the Bronx's third Hip Hop Mass, held Friday, July 2 at Trinity Church of Morrisania.

Word.

AS A MATTER OF FACT, HE IS EPISCOPALIAN

What gave it away?

UPDATE: Not sure why but I just had a Roger Ramjet flashback.

Thursday, April 15, 2010

DON'T LOOK AT IT, MARION!!

Mr. Andrew Bartus informs me that he saw this at a vestment establishment.  I don't even want to consider the possibility that someone might actually wear this during Divine service.

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, YOUR 2010 TRINITY-WALL STREET EPISCOPAL CHURCH BOWLING TEAM!!

Mr. David Sibley sends along this new look at a classic bad vestment first mentioned here.  Two things strike me about these things.  Now that I know what that design is supposed to be, I hate it slightly less than I did before.  And the concept of the liturgical uniform really creeps me out.

FORE!!

Old-timers around here can tell you exactly where they were and what they were doing when the Acme Golf Tee Company's factory exploded in 1960.

I SAID NO AND I MEANT NO!!

This chasuble "was commissioned by Australian priest Ian Brown whose ministry celebrates and embraces the arts as expressions of the Spirit," in case you want to know why Making Important Personal StatementsTM with one's liturgical clothing is such a sore point with this department.

NO

Just...no.

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

FULLY INVOLVED

Massachusetts Episcopal Bishop M. Thomas Shaw III demonstrates that while flames can be an interesting vestment design theme, looking like you've been set on fire is not.

PERFECT STORM

If these additional scenes from the recent Episcopal consecration in Oregon are any indication, I cannot WAIT for the consecration of Mary Glasspool in Los Angeles.

BOB DUNCAN?

Archbishop, you're going to need to have a serious chat with the guy right behind you.

IT CAN'T BE ENCOURAGING...

...when your new bishop shows up for his consecration dressed as a stained-glass window. Meet Michael Hanley, Oregon's new Episcopal bishop.

Monday, April 5, 2010

GRAY SKIES ARE GOING TO CLEAR UP!

Put on a happy face!

LOCK UP THE COMMUNION WINE, ALICE

Father's wearing the parish Rothko again.

Saturday, April 3, 2010

WHAT DOES THIS REMIND YOU OF?

Rorschach Chasuble II - This Time, It's Personal!

GREEN AND BLUE THING FOR SALE

Possibly a Mondrian.

FIRST AID

Maybe those dotted lines are perforations in case the minister ever has to tear up his chasuble to make bandages or something.  Otherwise, how should I know?

FIERY FURNACE

Flames coming from above are fine.  Flames coming from below should be avoided.  Flames coming from all directions are...er...uh...something or other.  I'm just not sure what.