Thursday, December 23, 2010

THEMES TO AVOID

Exploding altars.

27 comments:

Nickie Goomba said...

Has someone tossed a cherry bomb into a pile of Budweiser empties? Perhaps it's a Guy Fawkes thing, but that wouldn't explain the whole wheat pitas.

I'm stumped.

Nickie Goomba said...

At second glance, the Priestess' vestments disclose that she is celebrating the Feast Day of Our Lady of the Doritos. Later in the service, the congregation helps themselves from the bag in the foreground.

Christopher Johnson said...

Pitas have been used in some churches for quite a while. My old Episcopal church started using them back in the 70's. More "culturally authentic" or something. And the folks at my joint thought they tasted better.

Anonymous said...

Another theme to avoid would be using 70s-style coffee pots as vessels for the consecrated wine.

Zio Rico said...

Isn't there something in the Canons about Celebrants sporting bangs?

FrontageRoad said...

Has anyone noticed the Deacon's strangely coiffed Mephistopheles beard?

Invictus_88 said...

"In solidarity with parishes in Iraq"?

(Hm, too soon?)

Anonymous said...

That's a priestess, right? This is an Episcopal church, right? So there's absolutely NO WAY those could be swimming sperm cells trying to impregnate...Nope, nope, I'm not even going to *think* about it...La la la la...

Jim said...

This is why I like ad orientem worship - so the service becomes bearable, even if the celebrant has a face that could scare a dog off a gut wagon.

Anonymous said...

The 1964 World's Fair committee called: They'd like the banner for the GE Pavilion returned, please.

monika

Austen said...

Maybe they wanted to use the banner because they sang the hymn Earth and All Stars that morning?

The text for the beginning seems to fit

Earth and all stars, loud rushing planets, sing to the Lord a new song!

Joel said...

Perhaps it's the Commemoration of the Explosion of the Planet Krypton

Anonymous said...

correction: It was the banner for Dupont's Wonderful World of Chemistry. They still want it back.

monika

Anonymous said...

The frontal is probably the least of the problems in this picture. What about:

1. The Christmas trees on the deacon's stole
2. Is that pita bread from the neighborhood grocery store?
3. I suspect the priestess' vestments are ugly too.
4. Is that a open bag of Cheetos at the bottom?
5. The lady on the right looks bored. To go with the Christmas tree motif, why doesn't she have little santas and raindeer on her stole?

Anonymous said...

Since when has the church ascribed to the Big Bang Theory? Oh, The Episcopal "Church"? Nevermind. -- Elle

Anonymous said...

Episcopal Eucharistic Prayer C, I presume -
At your command all things came to be: the vast expanse of interstellar space, galaxies, suns, the planets in their courses, and this fragile earth, our island home.
http://www.bcponline.org/HE/he2-altgt.htm

Tonestaple said...

Are you sure it's pita bread? It looks like a frozen waffle to me.

Paul Woodrum said...

"The Glory Frontal," 1991. Artist: Eleanor Van de Water for St. Bartholomew's Episcopal Church, Beaverton, Oregon. The artist describes it as "the visual statement of the words 'Thine is the kingdom and the power and the glory,'" and expressive of "the exhilaration and joy of Christmas and Easter."

Magnificent. Shame to combine it with those ordinary brass catalog candlesticks. Flowers badly placed. Seasonal ornaments and/or flowers should neither obscure nor impede access to the altar.

The Reverend Steven P. Sabin said...

I'd say the major problem with the frontal is the void at the center. If it was an aureole around a cross or Chi-rho, or the "Hand of God" it would be much more suitable.

To me the bread doesn't look like pita, much more like a homemade unleavened loaf.

Anonymous said...

Let's not overlook the old dude sitting off to the right. His bald head top surrounded by gray hair in deparate need of a trimming makes him look like a retired clown who was not allowed to play church with the other boys and girls, but relegated to looking at two big behinds of the two women.
He looks like, "If we didn't have women priests, I would still have a job."

TeddyG said...

That is most definitely scored pita bread, but what I find most intriguing is the orange bag of already opened, nut-flavored "anitdoron" in front of that altar. Either they couldn't find any Hawaiian Punch to help wash it down, or it has been cropped out of the picture.

Paul Woodrum said...

Good grief! After such an ageist, misogynist, sexist bit of purulence that has nothing to do with ecclesiastical vestments and ornaments, I begin to understand why so many comments are pusillanamously signed anonymous.

midwestnorwegian said...

None look too pleased to be there. LOVE the giant bag of cheese doodles in front of the altar (bottom of the picture).

Anonymous said...

In all fairness (perhaps more than is deserved), many churches (at least around here) collect items for food pantries. I suspect there is a basket of food in front of the other, taken up as part of the collection. They're not open either (there's some kind of blue message banner atop the bag at an angle).

Too bad they look like they're about to be obliterated by shrapnel flying from an exploding monstrance.

Anthony S. "Tony" Layne said...

Something else for which we can blame the influence of Jackson Pollack ....

poetcomic1 said...

Anonymous says-
"Since when has the church ascribed to the Big Bang Theory."

The Big Bang Theory was proposed by the brilliant Monsignor George Lemaitre
a Catholic religious and the one theoretical physicist Einstein was in awe of. It is perfectly compatible with the teachings of the Church and is also powerfully anti-atheistic. THIS design is 'fifties modern atomic' which just goes to show how dated 'Episcopal Modern' can be.

theraineyview said...

It would be so hard to sit there without ducking.