ALL MY FRIENDS HAD CLOWNS AT THEIR BIRTHDAY PARTIES

Mine had a chaplain.

"NOW BATTING FOR THE TAMPA BAY RAYS..."

Katharine Jefferts Schori adds to her legend.

HEY, LOOK ME OVER!!

I don't know where this was taken or who those people are(I assume they're Episcopalians) and I don't want to know. But if you are a Christian minister and you're ever tempted to put one of those on, I must repeat a principle I thought was self-evident.

Christian worship is not supposed to be about you.

IF YOU WERE A TREE...

...or a tree with legs and a tail...or one of those Ent things from Lord of the Rings...or some kind of hideous tree/Labrador Retriever mutant...or a Labrador Retriever marking his territory...or a Labrador Retriever boinking a tree...

Thanks to Wyatt.

KNOW SOMETHING?

When I go to church, I'm really not interested in any artistic statement you think you need to make. Because as strange as it may sound, church actually isn't about you.

YEAH, I KNOW, COAT OF MANY COLORS

Blah, blah, blah. So when do we get to toss you down a hole and then sell you into slavery?

UH...NO

If a Christian minister deliberately chooses to wear something like this, skipping church is not an option, it is a duty.

IN HINDSIGHT

Letting Vera Wang design the Philadelphia Eagles jerseys probably wasn't a good idea.

ALL RIGHT, MR. DEMILLE

I'm ready for my close-up.

INDECISIVE AND IT FEELS SO GOOD

For the love of God, just pick one, all right?!! I'll bet it takes you two hours to order lunch at McDonald's.

MOLD, MILDEW AND FUNGUS

Seem like odd themes for liturgical vestments. Then again, all God's creation and all that.

I'M STUMPED

Road map? Travel brochure? PowerPoint presentation?

THOSE WERE THE DAYS

Grateful Dead lyrics in sermons, Doors albums during overnights, high-grade ganja out back of the church after youth group. Father Greg rocked!

Of course, none of our parents liked him, what with him being fresh out of seminary and having a beard and all. But last I checked he was a Quaker/Buddhist so I guess it all balances out.

IS YOUR SHRINK ORDAINED?

Introducing the Rorschach chasuble.

WHEN YOU WANT TO KEEP THINGS SIMPLE

Try the poser stole. Thanks to Brian

WENT BAR-HOPPING LAST NIGHT...

...and MAN, was I pixelated!

BED, BATH AND BEYOND KID'S BEDDING SALE!!

Ends Saturday!!

RUN, DON'T WALK

Out of your church if your minister EVER walks in wearing this.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, YOUR 2009 ROCHESTER RED WINGS!!

These were specially made for and used during the Episcopal Church's 2009 General Convention.

WOULD YOU LIKE FRIES WITH THAT?

Katharine Jefferts Schori actually wore this ensemble during Palm Sunday services in the Holy Land. Someone once referred to that thing on her head as an oven mitt.

PLEASE STAND FOR THE ANOINTING WITH MARINARA SAUCE

Idaho Episcopal Bishop Brian Thom at his consecration.

PURPLE HAZE, ALL IN MY BRAIN

This was the moment when I realized that dignity during worship was no longer an Episcopal virtue. Katharine Jefferts Schori at her consecration as the Presiding Bishop of the Episcopal Church.